HELP! I'm trapped in a Mary Sue Fanfic!
by The Great Space Hobo
Summary: A Sue falls into Middle-Earth and her normal sister is along for the ride. As reality crumbles around her Aubrey must found a way to stop her Sue of a sister before its to late. Can Aubrey stop her sister or will she join her in the end?
1. Get off or share

Disclaimer: I do not own LotR. I am not that smart. All I own is Aubrey and the stupid Sue, though not too proud of that. -_-"

An: As some may notice this is a rewrite of an older story of mine, there have been MANY changes. Rated T Cuz Aubrey is a potty mouth.

Mage thanks you my beta HarmonySoundown who can write Aragorn much better then me.

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Aubrey sighed loudly as she looked over her laptop screen. Her twin sister, Jezebella was watching Lord of the Rings with the volume cranked all the way up. This bothered Aubrey, who was trying to flame a Mary Sue and needed to think of better words than 'you suck!'. And Jezebella giggling like a mindless twit was preventing her from thinking straight.

"Like ohmigash! Leggy is like soooooo sexy!" Jezebella squealed.

"You know, I don't think the Prince of Mirkwood would appreciate being called Leggy," Aubrey said dryly.

Jezebella had flawless blonde hair that shone like golden wheat in the sun (Aubrey still didn't know how she did it) and ocean blue eyes. Her skin was pale and flawless; she had a D-cup chest and was a size 3.

Aubrey, on the other hand, had frizzy rusty-red hair that stuck out everywhere if not brushed daily and dark grey eyes. As any normal teenage girl she had acne problems. Her friends teased her by calling her the "twig", she never really got the curves most girls her age had by now. Never stopped her from giving up hope, though at 18 that hope was dieing fast.

Whatever the hell happened in the womb, though, one thing was for sure; Jezebella stole all the sexy genes.

"Pfft! Like you know anything! Leggy would love to be called anything by me!" she chirped happily.

"Like he would love an arrow in the head," Aubrey muttered under her breath.

'What in Gods name did I do to get a sister like her?' Aubrey thought miserably.

"Like ohmygod! I wish I was in Middle-Earth! It would be soooooo fun! All those Hobbits and Elves! It would be just like a fairy tale!" Jezebella sighed wishfully.

"Oh yeah, being teleported to a war torn country with orcs, evil wizards, the Balrog, and a giant flaming eye trying to take over the world. Running for weeks on end with no bathroom, no shower, no TV, and we can't forget the giant spiders! Yeah, that sounds fucking awesome!" Aubrey said is sarcastic cheer. " Did I mention the Balrog?"

"You say the funniest things Abby!" Jezebella giggling.

"Don't call me Abby!" Aubrey snapped. "Didn't you hear a word I said?"

Jezebella just kept giggling, "Leggy is sooooo shmexy!"(1)

"Kill me now..." Aubrey mumbled, turning back to her flame as she transferred all of her anger into the post. Sure it wasn't fair, but this person didn't have a right to butcher Tolkien's life's work.

Trish, the twin's mother walked into the living room. She was a kindly looking woman in her mid-thirties with the same rusty red hair. Aubrey was always glad that at least ONE family member got the same red-haired genes. "Hey, can you girls go down the corner store and pick up some things for me? I'm still swamped with work." She held up a small shopping list.

"Sure thing, Mom," Aubrey said, closing her laptop and taking the list from Trish.

"B-but Moooooooom! I'm watching Lord of the Rings!" Jezebella cried in her usual whiney tone.

"Well, Lego will be right here when you get back. Now, go please." Trish said with a sigh, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head slightly in an exasperated way.

"It's Legolas, Mom," Aubrey said, almost giggling. Trish was just one of those people who couldn't get name right, weather it was something as simple as Sarah or a tougher one like Maedhros.(2)

"B-but-" Jezebella stammered.

Aubrey shot her twin a dirty look before she dragged her crying butt out the door. Jezebella whinny the whole way.

As they walked down the street Jezebella wouldn't stop howling about how unfair her life was. Of course, she looked perfect while doing it, like a weeping angel. Aubrey had to resist the urge to slap some sense into her sister.

"Like ohmigod! Mom is like sooooo mean to me! Why does she hate me?!" Jezebella sobbed.

Aubrey started at her sister in disbelief. Saying their Mother hated her was like saying Santa Claus hated children and the Tooth Fairy was really a man wearing a dress that had a fetish for teeth.

"Just shut up! She just asked us to go to the store! And Mom has never so much as raised her voice at you, so stop whining!" Aubrey snapped.

"Y-you just say that because she likes you moooooore!" Jezebella broke down into sobs. "She's always nice to you! She gives you everything that you want! She makes me cook and clean and makes me eat dog food when you get to gorge yourself every day!"

Aubrey stopped walking and stared at her sister in astonishment. "What the hell are you on?" was about the only thing she could get to come out of her dry mouth.

"I wish I was in Middle- Earth! I would be sooooo much happier there! And no one would tease me and be mean to me! They would all love me and I would become queen with my dear Leggy as my king!" Jezebella exclaimed dramatically.

"What the hell are you taking!? Whatever it is, get the fuck off or share!" Aubrey walked passed her insane twin and crossed the street. Jezebella followed whining the whole way.

'Am I the last voice of reason here? She might have the looks, but I got the sanity,' Aubrey thought.

They got to the store a few minutes later, with Jezebella whining the whole way. Aubrey did her very best to just tune her out like she normally did when her sister got like this. But her sister's voice was something that she just COULDN'T ignore. Most said it was because it was so sweet and pure, like a babbling brook or summer rain (where did they come up with shit like that?) but to Aubrey it was so loud and irritating she could do NOTHING but hear it.

"A-And the kids are school are sooooo mean to me!" Jezebella sobbed as they walked out of the store. "They ma-make fun of me because I like fantasy and they pull m-my hair and-"

"You DO know there's a fantasy club at school, right? Christ I have no idea what you're even talking about anymore." Aubrey groaned, starting to get a headache. "And they pull your hair? What are you, five? Pretty sure teenagers don't do that stuff anymore." Lest not to the pretty girls…

It didn't seem to help that dark storm clouds appeared right out of the originally cloudless blue sky. The air grew heavy and damp as thunder rumbled not to far off. The two hurried home and managed to just avoid getting caught in the sudden shower.

"Mom we're back!" Aubrey called as she put the wet bags down on the counter in the kitchen. Out of the comer of her eye she saw Jezebella go right for the TV.

The only answer was the sound of grumbling thunder. Aubrey called her mom again, but sill there was no response. She went back into the living room to find Jezebella starting dreamily at the TV screen.

"Did Mom say anything about leaving?" Aubrey asked her sister.

Jezebella just mumbled an incoherent answer as she watched the movie play out

"Oh how I wish I could be in Middle Earth..." Jezebella sighed wishfully.

Suddenly the lights went out. Aubrey cried out in surprise while Jezebella wailed, thinking she had lost the movie. Her whining stopped all of the sudden when she realized the TV was still on, showing Aragorn and the hobbits walking away from Bree.

"What the hell-" Aubrey exclaimed before a bright light reached out from the TV and grabbed her sister. It took the form of a large hand as it wrapped its fingers around her tiny waist.

Jezebella let out a shriek as she tried to fight the thing that griped her.

"Jezzy!" Aubrey cried and tried to pry the fingers away from her sister, but failed to do so. She ended up being lifted off her feet and dragged through the TV with her.

Blinding white light enveloped the two before Aubrey lost consciousness.

The first thing Aubrey recovered from the blackness was her sense of smell. Gone were the formal clean smell of home. The world around her smelled of dirt, grass, and wood. It wasn't a bad smell, just unfamiliar. Her sense of hearing came next, but everything sounded so far away.

Letting out a sluggish groan she opened her heavy eye lids. She was greeted by a twilight sky before the perfect little head of her sister blocked her view.

"Oh good you awake!" Jezebella cried happily before making Aubrey sit up.

" Ugh... dizzy" Aubrey mumbled as she clapped her hands on her face, trying to block out her sister's face. " Where are we? What the hell happened?" Searching her memories, she could faintly remember a bright light… and the TV exploding?

" We're in Middle Earth!" Jezebella explained, a huge grin plastered over her face, clapping her hands delightedly. Her brilliant blue orbs so full of wonder and happiness men would weep should they lay eyes on them. Aubrey on the other hand just stared back with a blank exertion.

" We're in what now?" she asked, sure her sister was just being stupid again.

"There was a magical portal, and then we woke up here!" Jezebella chirped like a song bird before getting up and looking around in wonder.

Aubrey just rubbed her eyes grumpily before getting up and looking around. They were outdoors in some kind of shrubby forest, nothing around her looked familiar. She didn't remember any woods near where they lived. After years of examining maps when her sister wanted to drag her into some stupid game, she was 98% sure that nothing even resembling a patch of green with trees was within the fifty kilometer radar.

There was no way they were in Middle Earth, though. It was impossible. They must have... sleep walked or something. Aubrey cursed under her breath. Why couldn't she remember anything?

As her sister pranced around like a graceful idiot Aubrey heard a light crunch behind her.

"Hello?" She called out and turned around, her next words dying on her lips.

"State your name and your business." A sharp voice answered her as she found the tip of a sword blade a few feet away. A man emerged from the shrubbery around her.

He was tall, dressed in travel-worn clothes, with messy dark hair and a small, forming stubble. His piercing gray eyes glared as her suspiciously. Peering from behind him were what she though to be four small children, but Aubrey caught sight of their bare, hairy feet.

Aubrey struggled to say anything as her brain tried to process what she was seeing. In an instant her sister was by her side and letting out an ear piercing shriek.

"OMG Its Aragorn!" Jezebella squealed.

"How do you know my name?" The man asked, his grip on his sword tighter as he advanced another step.

"Shut the fuck up," Aubrey whispered in disbelief, her eyes growing wide.

This could not be happening.

* * *

Foot note 1: It was brought to my attention that the world 'shmexy' is not a common word to most people. It stands for Super Hot Mega Sexy. It seemed like a fitting word for Jezebella to use.

Foot note 2: Maedhros was one of the princes of the Noldor, the eldest of the Sons of Fëanor and head of the House of Fëanor following the death of his father Fëanor in Middle-earth. For hundreds of years, he led the House of Fëanor against the forces of Morgoth but the Oath he and his brothers swore to recover the Silmarils constrained him and ultimately led to his destruction. Read the The Silmarillion people, srsly. It's like history only BETTER.


	2. Huggable hobbits are huggable

AN: You guys rock! Thanks for all the reviews As before I dont own Lord of the Rings. Reviews make me smile, flames will be used to cook tomato, sausages and bacon for the hobbits to eat.

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"PANIC ATTACK PANIC ATTACK PAAANIICCCCC ATTAAACKKKKKKKKK!" Aubrey cried as she ran in circles around the clearing. This could not be happening, nope. This wasn't real, she was dead. She had been stuck by lightning during the storm, or had a stroke. SOMETHING, because what was happening right now could not be real.

It had only taken a few sweet words from Jezebella to calm the Ranger down. Somehow, Aubrey still wasn't sure how, she had talked him into letting them come along. Claiming they were going to Rivendell as well.

The four hobbits and Aragorn had started to set up camp for the night where they found Aubrey and Jezebella after the ranger had deemed it safe. Aubrey hadn't calmed down since then.

"This is so WRONG! And—and—and- UGH!" Aubrey sobbed, covering her face.

" Is- is she all right?" asked one of the hobbits. Aubrey was sure that it was Sam. Sam was the nicest looking out of the hobbits, and he closely resembled his actor, Sean Austin.

In fact, all of them looked a bit like their movie counterparts. With some slight differences, of course. Frodo looked a little older and his eyes were a darker blue. Pippin, while still really freaking adorable wasn't as wide eyed. Merry had darker hair, and all the hobbits were heavier than in the movie. Still, it was creepy how they even looked a little like the actors...

Aubrey put that on the list of one of the many fucked up things about this whole siutaion.

"More crazy? I though we filled up all the space." Pippin whispered to Merry who snickered.

"I can hear you!" Aubrey snapped as she turned to them. "Don't ANY of you find this utterly and completely WERID!?"

"Yes," Merry nodded.

"Very," Pippin agreed.

Sam didn't say anything. He just stood there looking as bewildered as Aubrey felt. Frodo was quiet and hadn't said much since she met him. Though he looked troubled (Aubrey knew why but still felt like something was off) he had been smiling at Jezebella. It was Aragorn completely ignoring Aubrey that worried her. He had not stopped staring at Jezebella since they got here. Her sister had been giggling and flipping her hair while chattering on. Aubrey knew for a fact her sister wasn't saying anything that would hold the Ranger with such intensity.

"Hey," Aubrey said snapping her finger near Aragorns face. "Hey you there. Aren't you worried that we're spies?"

Aragorn turned his head away from Jezebella, who now looked coldly at her sister. He had a slightly dazed look to his now dull gray eyes as he blinked at her blankly for a few moments.

"Pardon me?"

"Spies!" Aubrey waved her arms wildly in front of Aragorn, her concern for this fuckupry growing. What was wrong with him? "These are dangerous times, some things must be kept a secret. Aren't you even slightly worried we are not spies from the Enemy? Look how we're dressed!" she gestured to her outfit.

This thought looked like it had never occurred to the ranger, though it looked like he was slowly regaining his sense.

"You are right..." He said, his gray eyes clearing as he slowly stood up.

Jezebella throw a nasty look at Aubrey before gripping Aragorn's arm and smiling at him. Aubrey had the sudden desire to slap her hand away. She knew nothing about this man. All her sister saw was a pretty face and a dark angsty past.

"We're not spies!" Jezebella said, batting her eyelashes. "I'm WAAAY to pretty to be some evil ugly spy." Her eyes shone with such innocence and truth in them that Aragorn knew in his heart she spoke the truth. With a nod he sat back down.

Aubrey threw up her hands with a cry before slumping down next to Merry and Pippin. This was wrong, so WRONG. Not only were they in Middle Earth, which was fantasy and supposedly not real. Somehow Jezebella had talked her way into the small company as they traveled to Rivendell. Aragorn should have known how important the quest was, how dangerous it was! How they were surrounded at all sides by the Enemy ...he should have killed both of them on the spot, or at least driven them off...

" This isn't good...How is Jezebella doing this?" Aubrey thought to herself, her mind troubled.

"Are you?" Merry's voice cut through her dark thoughts.

"Huh?" Aubrey blinked looking up.

"Spies, are you really a spy?" Merry asked, cocking his head slightly to the left.

"No," Aubrey shook her head. "But it troubles me that Strider does not."

Merry nodded in agreement but still looked like he didn't trust her. Along with Pippin and Sam, Aubrey noted, looking around at the company. But Aragorn and Frodo just looked at Jezebella in vacant awe.

"Fuck..." Aubrey moaned as she buried her face into her hands.

OoOoOoOo

Aubrey didn't remember falling asleep, but it sure didn't feel like she got any sleep. The teen grunted in a rather unladylike fashion as she tried to roll over, very much aware she was on the hard cold ground.

It wasn't like in the stories where the hero wakes up unsure where they are for a moment. Forgetting about what happened the day before. No, Aubrey knew where she was, and unfortunately what had happened. She was cold, sore, and hungry as she sat up blinking away the last of her fleeting sleep.

'And so it begins,' Aubrey thought bitterly licking her chapped lips.

They hadn't even started to walk yet and every bit of her had started aching. She didn't even want to think about how she would feel in a few days, with a 'few' extra hours of walking tossed in for free.

She sat up as Sam slowly approached her, holding out a plate of delicious smelling food.

"Oh," Aubrey looked a little surprised as she took the plate. "Thank you Master Gamgee." She remembered how people talked to each other in Middle-Earth. She had played enough D&D and LARPing to slip into this way of speech fairly easily. Now keeping in character, on the other hand, was not her strong point.

Sam looked out right astonished that she had addressed him so respectfully. Aubrey had the sudden urge to hug him. But she held that feeling in as she looked down at her plate, a frown crossed her face.

"Something wrong?" Sam asked as he turned to tend to the fire.

" It's just... Do we have enough food for two extra people? Rivendell is still a long way off." Aubrey murmured, staring at the food.

"I asked Aragorn that too," Sam answered, his brow creasing with worry.

"What did he say?"

"Your sister, Jezebella, just laughed and said a little less food would do me some good." Sam huffed, clear that he was still upset by her words.

"Bitch!" Aubrey hissed, though she wasn't surprised. Her sister was always making jabs at Sam's weight. "But you are a fine size for a hobbit. If you were any skinnier you would be the strangest un-hobbit-like creature, and if you were any fatter you would resemble a dwarf. Don't tell the dwarves I said that," Aubrey added, her eyes shifting about as if wary of any random dwarves eavesdropping.

The last statement caused Sam to laugh a little but he still looked troubled. "Mr. Frodo laughed when she said that." He mumbled, clearly more hurt about this than at Jezebella's careless words.

Aubrey had to fight the urge to hug Sam, reminding herself he was a grown man, not a child. Plus they had just met so she might have been invading his personal bubble.

"Well..." Aubrey trailed off trying to think of something. "Frodo seems like he's under a lot of stress right now... People act differently sometimes, saying and doing things they don't mean. I'm sure once we get to Rivendell he'll be back to the Frodo you knew."

Aubrey would make sure to get Jezebella away from them. Whatever was happening she was sure her sister was behind this radical shift in Aragorn and Frodo's character.

" It's unnatural, this whole thing is," Sam stated. "You seem like an all right sort, but I'm not so sure about Jezebella." He shuddered slightly at the mention of her name.

Leave it to Sam to hit the nail right on the head. If ever there was a hobbit with their head on right it was Samwise Gamgee.

Not knowing what to say, Aubrey didn't reply, so she turned to eating her food. Considering it was cooked on an open fire in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere it was pretty tasty.

After they had finished eating the others had started to pack up camp. Jezebella didn't even bother helping but instead was brushing her golden tresses. She was humming a silly little tune with the sweetness of a song bird, making Frodo and Aragorn gaze adoringly at her. Aubrey had to wonder where she even found a brush and tried not to gag at the sight.

" Um...Is there anything I can do?" Aubrey asked, feeling useless as the others worked around her

" Oh don't be silly Abby!" Jezebella waved her perfectly manicured hand. "Let the boys do all the work, you can break a nail or something!" She gave a shiver, as if out of all things that could possibly happen at the time, breaking a nail was the worst of it! Aubrey was almost going to try to follow her sister's advice to break her nails by scratching Jezebella's face.

"Perish the thought!" Merry mumbled to himself as he rolled his eyes.

" By the Valar we would not want that!" Aragorn cried, though unlike Merry he was being totally surprised. "Do not worry Lady Jezebella, we do not wish to burden you so."

Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Aubrey all snorted at the thought of Jezebella being any kind of "lady", though they saw Frodo nodding in agreement with Aragorn.

In the end they did have an extra pack Aubrey could use. Splitting up some of their equipment they gave Aubrey a fairly heavy pack. It wasn't too much different from her book filled backpack at school, so she didn't have too much trouble carrying around the extra weight at first.

If she was being honest, Aubrey was kind of looking forward to the next few days. Despite what Jezebella may think the movies were NOT about hot guys being manly and hot. It was about walking, lots and lots of walking. Frankly she couldn't wait to see how Jezebella looked after a few days, as she wore skin tight white pants with a (and VERY tight) bright pink shirt with the words Angle written across it in glittering, along with her stylish but impractical flats that slipped on with no laces or straps. Of course she looked amazing in it, she would look amazing wearing a potato sack…

Aubrey, while not dressed for hiking days on end at least had more pratical clothes. Loose-fitting blue jeans with an old N7 t-shirt that fit comfortably and old sneakers that were just as fine. She was just grateful she wasn't wearing any of her LoTR T-shirts because that would have been TERRIBLY awkward.

The company set out early, the morning sun still low in the pale sky. Aragorn in the lead, followed by Frodo, Jezebella, then Merry and Pippin, Aubrey, and Sam bringing up the rear with Bill the pony.

Aubrey still wasn't 100% sure that she wasn't suffering from some kind of stroke and this was all her oxygen deprived brain's illusions. The thoughts dogged her every step as she trekked through the countryside with five men and one annoying sibling.

Their pace was quick, for fear of the unseen foe that followed them. Their walk would have been quiet and somber if Jezebella would just shut the fuck up. She kept on cooing and singing about how wonderful this all was, how she was finally free from her horrible life. (Aubrey did not try to hide her scoffing.)

If Aubrey was right about where they were in the timeline of the book they were still a few days away from Weathertop. They still had the bog to slush through as well... She was not looking forward to that.

Though on the bright side it put a few days between herself and the battle with the Nazgul. Aubrey shivered at the thought, missing home more than ever now. Maybe she could get Aragorn to teach her some sword moves before then so she didn't get herself killed.

She was so deep in her troubled thoughts she almost ran over poor Pippin who had stopped along with the rest of the group. She looked around at the rest of the company before following their line of sight. A slowly climbing land lay before them, off in the distance a large hill raised above the rest. It was flatter at the top and ruins dotted the surface.

Wait...

No, it couldn't be.

There was no way.

" There is Weathertop," Aragorn said pointing at the hill. He said more but all sound around Aubrey seemed to die and grow far away.

It was impossible! It was days away, they hadn't even passed through the bog! Or seen the lights coming from it at night by Gandalf! Aubrey knew she could get lost in her thoughts and lose track of her surroundings sometimes but she never lost days at a time.

But there it was, standing before them tall and proud even in its ruin. Weathertop, where the Nazgul attacked, with sharp poity swords.

I don't want to die a virgin!

Suddenly everyone turned to look at her with bewildered expressions. Aragorn's eyes seen to clear a little bit, and Sam looked down right scandalized.

" You're a virgin?" Jezebella wrinkled her prefect little nose.

Heat flushed across her face as she started wide eyed around her.

"Oh my god did I just say that out load." Aubrey stammered in horror. She must have totally lost her mind now. This was what insanity must feel like.

"Yes, and we will never let you live it down." Pippin said jokingly.

Well it was a good thing the Nazgul were going to kill her, and this thought she made sure to keep to herself. She was dead meat.


	3. BACON!

A/N: HAZZUH! Chapter 3 is up! All you guys ROCK! I love every single on of you, even you lurkers. Cookies for everyone!

In this chap we have the appearance of the warrior Sue, God help us all… Again I would like to thank my awesome beta HarmonySoundown. ^^ Sadly with school starting I wont be able to update every week or so like I've been going. =( So it may be a little longer for the next update.

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Aubrey was not sure if it was because Jezebella was slipping or her embarrassing outburst had affected Aragorn, but he was starting to sound more like himself than he had all day. Or was it days? She still wasn't sure what the hell had happened or how they were even anywhere NEAR Weathertop.

"Not all birds are to be trusted, and there are other spies more evil than they are." Aragorn said looking to the east towards the Old Road.

The hobbits looked up at the sky with weary eyes. As if one was watching them at that very moment. Even Aubrey could feel her skin prickle like unfriendly eyes where on them. Sam was about to say something but Jezebella cut him off.

"Birds can't be spies!" Jezebella scoffed. "That's like stupid, their birds! Birds are always good!" Confident in what she had said, she crossed her arms.

"Jez I swear to Eru, I will choke a bitch." Aubrey hissed, pointing at her. "The spies of the enemy are everywhere, on the ground, in the air, the water, around that next corner. Its the Enemy, with a capital E!"

"What are we to do Strider?" Frodo turned to the tall man.

"We make for Weathertop, head straight for it." Jezebella said before Aragorn could answer.

"WHAT!?" Sam, Pippin, Merry and Aubrey shrieked in disbelief.

"Did you not hear what he just said-" Aubrey raved.

"No, Lady Jezebella is right." Aragorn said, his keen grey eyes growing dull again. "We should not dawdle; we make right for the hill."

"Yes!" cried Frodo suddenly looking at Jezebella with shining eyes. "She is so wise. Where would we be without you, my lady?"

"Safe," Merry mumbled crossly.

"Happy," Pippin sighed wishfully.

"Have more food," Sam muttered darkly.

"Home..." Aubrey whispered to herself, biting her lip.

The other two either did not hear them or did not care as they started right for Weathertop. Unsure of what else to do, the 'sane group' followed.

Night fell on them with unnatural quickness and darkness. Though they reached the dell in the side of the hill quite quickly. Aubrey was left confused as things went from between the book and movie. Aragorn took Frodo, Jezebella, and Merry to the top of Weathertop while leaving Pippin, Sam, and Aubrey behind with the pony.

"I'm not the only one who's noticed that, right?" Aubrey asked, looking between the two hobbits as they laid down their packs.

"Noticed what?" Sam asked, never looking up from his things.

"We were a day outside of Bree, and that's at least a six-day walk from there to here." Aubrey rubbed her neck as she placed her pack down. It was starting to feel heavier as the day wore on and put a strain on her back and neck.

The others paused and troubled looks crossed their faces.

"Swore it had been days," Merry said, though now he looked unsure.

"Doesn't quite feel like it though," Sam added.

They did not have any more time to think about this disconcerting piece of information as Aragorn and the others returned. All but Jezebella had wearing looks of worry and alarm. Before the others could ask what happen Aragorn had unwrapped some cloth revealing several crude daggers.

"These are for you, keep them close." Aragorn whispered, tossing one to each of them. Miraculously he even had one for Jezebella and Aubrey.

Aubrey held the weapon like it was about to bite her on the hand. She had never even held a gun before let alone a sword. It was probably in everyone's best interest if she was kept far away from the sharp pointy things.

"Milady, please keep the little hobbits safe," Aragorn pleaded with Jezebella, who seemed very comfortable with the sharp deadly weapon in her hands.

"Of course Strider," Jezebella nodded, biting her lip in a cute determined look, but it really just made her look like a twit.

Aubrey didn't stop the snort that past her lips. The deadliest thing her sister had ever wielded was probably a nail file.

"Where are you going?" Merry asked, tugging on Aragorn's cloak before he could have a chance to steal away.

"To have a look around." Aragorn gave a curt answer before making his way swiftly down the hill.

"I don't think that's a very good idea!" Aubrey said, voice shaking as she jumping to her feet, but he was already gone.

'I'm gonna die," Aubrey whimpered in her thoughts.

As the darkness deepened around them somehow Frodo and Jezebella found sleep, but none came to Aubrey. She was too scared about what was going to happen. She was not a warrior; at the most she was a cross country runner. She wasn't even supposed to be there!

Every shadow seemed to move around her and every cry of a lone bird was the shriek of a Black Rider. Aubrey clenched the hilt of her blade tightly as her heart thumbed in her chest. Maybe if she tried to fight them the Black Riders would be too busy laughing themselves silly to kill them all... It was a thought.

It seemed the other hobbits had trouble sleeping too so they did what any good hobbit would do, eat. Aubrey didn't stop them from building the fire, though. She was sure that somehow they would be attacked before the night was over anyway. And if she was going to get run through by a Riders blade she might as well have a stomach full of the Shire's best bacon.

The fire seemed to chase away some of the chill of the night and their spirits rose slightly as the scent of bacon filled the surrounding air.

"Ah, leave it to bacon to cheer up even this night," Aubrey chuckled as she helped herself to a plate along with the rest.

"I like the way you think," Pippin laughed, reaching for another helping.

"Save some for Mr. Frodo," Sam said, slapping away Pippin's hand.

"Hmph," the younger hobbit pouted.

DonthugthehobbitDonthugtheho bbitDonthugthehobbit.

Sometimes when things are at their darkest and there seems to be no hope of escape you just need to sit down and say 'fuck it let's eat some bacon.' Aubrey was sure that would go down in history of this quest.

Their illusion was shattered when Frodo was finally awoken by the smells, sounds, and light they had been making. Aubrey tried to look innocent as Frodo gave a cry of despair.

"Put it out you fools!" He wailed, stomping on the fire. Despite in the books where fire was their closest ally at this time. Aragorn had not even told them this as he left. Aubrey was unsure if it was a fault in the book itself or something darker at work.

The other hobbits mound and griped at Frodo as he kicked dirt everywhere and plunged them back into darkness.

"You got dirt on my food!" Pippin whined.

"Dirt in your food is the least of our problems now," Jezebella whispered over dramatically.

A shriek ripped through the darkness around them, a sound not meant to be heard by mortal Men. Fear gripped Aubrey so strongly it took all her will not to flee. Out in the murky darkness shadows started closing in on them. Aubrey counted five but knew more lurked unseen in the darkness.

"Run!" Jezebella cried as she drew her sword, there was no fear on her face. Aubrey was sure it was because she was too stupid to realize just how royally fucked they all were. The Witch-King was with them for fuck's sake, every single one of them should be running around in a blind panic!

But for once the others did not argue but drew their blades as well and made for the crown of Weathertop. Back to back they stood in the center of the ruins, shadows reaching all around them. Aubrey's breath came out in ragged panicked gasps, as did everyone's but Jezebella. Who watched the shadows with sharp light blue eyes, griping her weapon with a confidence she did not earn.

They materialized from the shadows, five towering Black Riders, their weapons drawn. Jezebella jumped in front of all of them, as if to protect them. If Aubrey wasn't about to piss herself in fear she would have laughed at the very idea of Jezebella standing a snow ball chase in hell against even one of them.

"Strider!" Aubrey cried out, her voice ringing though the night. Where was he?! He should be here with them not jerking off somewhere!

They closed in on them. The group stumbled back but they were running out of room. Fast.

"Back you devils!" Sam brandished his sword with far more bravery then Aubrey had. Bless that hobbit.

With a cry he slashed his tiny sword at one of them but with a flick of its hand knocked Sam into a stone. The others closed tighter around Frodo.

Suddenly Jezebella let out a battle cry – oh wait right, it was a harpy screech - and attacked the Riders. She moved with such grace and skill Aubrey just about shit bricks...if she hadn't done so already when she saw the Riders first come from the darkness. She was fighting two at once with what looked like easy, a playful smirk and her stupid perfect lips.

Although Jezebella kept two of them busy that still left three. The others swooped in on them, pushing Merry and Pippin aside. One swung his blade down on Aubrey but she managed to dodge it, hitting the ground hard as she did.

She saw a flash of flame from the corner of her eye. It was Aragorn, he was here! But he did not move. One hand held a flaming torch and in the other his blade limply at his side. In the firelight his eyes where clouded with fear...and something else.

Frodo took a stab at the tallest one's foot. It let out a shriek and bitch-slapped the poor hobbit back with such force that he knocked the blade from his hands.

Aubrey looked around her. Jezebella was crying Frodo's name as she cut one of the Riders down. Then it clicked. She knew what her sister was doing. Suddenly it all made sense, everything. The odd behavior of Aragorn and Frodo the "important" characters in the book, the screwed timeline, Jezebella pulling these amazing sword skills right out of her ass. Jezebella, her twin sister, was a Mary Sue. And she was going to take the blade for Frodo.

Aubrey jumped to her feet and stomped over to Aragorn. She jabbed a finger into his chest. "What the hell are you doing? The mighty Ranger, future king indeed! Can't even protect those he has sworn himself to! Fight!" Aubrey screamed, trying to pour all her fear, all her anger into this. She needed to jar him back to his senses! They needed him! "FIGHT!"

Something seen to snap inside Aragorn. In a moment his grey eyes cleared and he sprang into action, saving Aubrey from a blow she did not see coming. Aragorn fighting was really a wonder to behold and the movie did it little justice.

Aubrey shock her head. Though few moments had passed she didn't have much time. Turning around she saw Frodo gone but Jezebella was trading blows with the apparent leader. Aubrey ran towards them, her lungs burning for air as her heart thumped so hard in her chest that it felt like her ribs would break.

She did not want Frodo to get hurt. Every time she read this part or watched it Aubrey's heart ached. Knowing the long suffering from the wound he would have to endure on his quest, and how it would pain him afterwards. Aubrey did not want this, but she could not let Jezebella take that spot for him.

The Nazgul pulled his dagger back, ready to strike. Jezebella swung her blade, leaving her chest wide open for attack. As his hand struck forward, Aubrey collided hard into Jezebella, knocking her clear off her feet.

She didn't mean to run into her at full speed, but she didn't have time to slow down. Bodies flew and limbs went wild. Aubrey tried to make a grab at her sister's arm as the fell.

There was a flash of metal and a soul wrenching howl of pain as Jezebella and Aubrey slammed into the ground. Frodo reappeared before their eyes, grabbing his shoulder and screaming in agony before he passed into unconsciousness.

Though Frodo was out cold the terrible screaming did not stop. It was then that Aubrey realized it was her making that awful sound. A cold burning pain worse then she had felt in her entire life exploded from her hand. Looking down, she saw a shallow cut on her left hand. It shouldn't have hurt this much, but it did. She curled in on herself trying to swallow the pain as Aragorn drove the Riders off with sword and fire.

"Strider!" Sam cried as he ran to Frodo's side.

Aragorn rushed to Frodo, undoing his vest and shirt to get to the wound. He picked up the offending sword which lay beside the Halfling.

"He has been stabbed by a Morgul Blade," he hissed, the blade seemed to fall into dust and all that was left was the hilt, which he threw on the ground.

"Will he be all right?!" Sam asked, teary-eyed.

Aubrey had gotten control of her screaming by biting down on her lip until she drew blood but the tears would not stop. Her whole body shook. Whether it was from the pain, cold, anger, or the guilt she felt she was not sure. Maybe it was all four, but she tried to keep quiet as Aragorn bent over Frodo.

"Build a fire, as big you can," Aragorn told the hobbits. "Lay him as close to the flames as you can. We need to keep him warm."

With that he stood up swiftly and disappeared into the shadows.

This whole time Jezebella looked down right bewildered. Aubrey could almost see the half dead hammers trying to turn the wheel in her head. Aragorn had barely even glanced at them, and that was ok with Aubrey.

As the hobbits rushed to and fro to get a large fire going Jezebella glared heatedly at Aubrey. It was brief, and in the state Aubrey was in she wasn't even sure she saw it, but it looked like pure hate radiating from her perfect blue orbs.

Jezebella did not help the hobbits build the fire nor move Frodo's body as close to it. Aubrey tried to help but found she could barely move her injured hand, which deemed her more useless and helpful.

Soon though they all sat around the fire watching Frodo. Aubrey kept her hand in her lap unseen by the others. It had not really stopped bleeding no matter how hard Aubrey pressed her shirt on the wound. She suspected that it had something to do with the Morgul blade.

Swiftly Jezebella moved closer to Frodo only to have Sam draw his sword on her.

"Sam, I am a friend," Jezebella cooed softly, her face glowing with childish innocence. "I wish to help Frodo. I think I can help heal his wounds."

While Sam's eyes didn't cloud over totally like Aragorn's, they did become unfocused and he lowered his sword a little.

"You can help Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked wearily.

"Yes, I believe so,"Jezebella smiled sweetly.

"B-bull sh-shit." Aubrey spoke for the first time since she was injured. "O-only el-elvish magic can he-heal him." No matter how hard she tried her teeth would not stop chattering, her hand was becoming unbearably cold. She wanted nothing more than to stick it in the fire.

Jezebella stuck up her nose, "I can try to help. Unlike you," she spat the words. "Frodo is hurt because you knocked me out of the way."

Aubrey just looked at her sister stunned before Jezebella turned to Frodo's wounds.

"B-bit-bitch," Aubrey hissed under her breath.

"You didn't know Frodo was there," Merry defended. "How could you? None of us knew what had happened to him until he reappeared!"

Aubrey mumbled a thanks but it only made her feel even worse. She knew Frodo was there, and desperately knocked Jezebella out of the way to make room for the Witch King's blade. The guilt only seen to make the pain worse. She knew it was what was supposed to happen, but it ease the guilt.

Merry's brow creased, noticing her pained expression. "What's wrong?"

"Noth-ing," Aubrey snapped, trying to push her hand deeper into her lap, away from prying eyes.

But Merry was a hobbit and too quick for Aubrey. He yanked her hand out to examine in the dim firelight. The cut looked nasty but it had finally stopped bleeding.

"Ai! It's cold!" Merry cried dropping her hand as if it stung him.

"Frodo!" Sam cried in relief as Jezebella brought him back to the waking world.

"That is all I can do..." Jezebella sighed tiredly, like she had worn herself out. Aubrey would have bet her left nut that Jezebella didn't do jack shit and Frodo just woke up on his own.

Merry left Aubrey's side and hurried over to Frodo, who was faring better then Aubrey. Though his wound was worse and far more deadly, as he had a piece of the blade in him...slowly working its way to his heart. Frodo was much stronger than her, who sat shivering and shaking at just a scratch.

'I want to go home,' Aubrey thought as tears came to her eyes.

* * *

A/N: I normally don't do something like this but both me and my beta are…not sure what to do, so I would like to ask my faithful readers what they think. Of course you all know that Jezebella will go after Legolas (big shock there) But I'm unsure of who, if anyway, should Aubrey be in a romance with. So I'm putting it to a vote, the poll in on my profile at the top, just follow the link of my user name. Obviously some characters will be excluded, Aragorn, Legolas, Faramir, Gandalf, people like that. If you don't want to go vote on the poll just say who you would like to see Aubrey in a romance with in the comments. Or simply say you don't want her to be in a romance, just give me your two cents. =) Just to be clear its not going to take up huge chucks of story, if there will be any romance it will be light. Thanks everyone!


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